Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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