evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
