Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
