Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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