my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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