The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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