If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
