I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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