Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
