If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just cropdusted the office
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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