So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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