I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize