I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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