she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
