Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
the condom got lost in my hair
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
