loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
