shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's not a walk of shame if you run
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
