Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
