I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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