So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
