I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
