I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
