bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
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i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
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Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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