yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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