Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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