We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
