Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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