The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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