Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
