I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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