Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
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His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
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It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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