margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
