Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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