i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
