Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
