Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
