I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
