i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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