I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
