How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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