Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
