Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you

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(480): View more from Arizona

Lets date for the summer

(815): View more from Illinois

what?

(480): View more from Arizona

Dont love me in September.

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(301): View more from Maryland

i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Ketchup is God's man juice

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(802): View more from Vermont

You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer

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