You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
