i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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