Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
