I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
