escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
