It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
