so explain again why im purple
no
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
