so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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