3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
