you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize