Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
