some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
