Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
