Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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