Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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