The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
