i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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