new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
