i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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