Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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