An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize