I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
