ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
