My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
