areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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