I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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