I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Girls should come with a carfax report
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
