You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
