Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
