allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
